Courage
June 3rd, 2011 § Leave a Comment
I believe that some people think what I am doing is vindictive. Others wonder why I took so long to do it. Others may call me a quitter. Some may even say I am being mean and set out to get revenge. Others see the courage this takes and support me in my decision to go.
History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.
Maya Angelou
I love the quote from Maya Angelou. I cannot unlive what has happened. I cannot deny the pain and frustration. I can however find the courage to put one foot in front of the other and learn from it all. I have a lot of learning to do about myself and my role in all of it.
I have to learn to HEAR my inner voice and follows it’s advice. I have to stop trying to rescue those that have strayed. I know internally when something sounds like bullshit and yet I allow myself to be swayed by this hope and possibility. When in actuality, it never existed.
I do still believe that ANYONE has the ability and the power to overcome their demons and to change the things that destroy them. Including myself. I also know that it takes a lot of will power, desire and a whole lot of God’s help to achieve meaningful and lasting change.
It takes some serious internal dialogue that is often painful, to break away. When faced with a mirror you have to be able to truly like who you see looking back at you. You have to ask yourself the hard questions. Am I being true to myself? Am I being a responsible parent? Am I being loving and kind? Am I being selfish or mean? Am I living from a place of fear or joy? Does what I do cause harm to others? Am I being courageous or stubborn?
When evaluating my partner do the wrongs balance out the rights? Did those rights come freely and from a place of love or from a place of control? Was my anger justified or did it come from fear? Was that anger misplaced?
Love does not dominate; it cultivates.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I have much work to do on myself. I know I have the courage to do that work.
