In your honor Magellan

On June 28th, 2000 my family was greeted with 4 warm, wiggly kittens. One of them I had to help mama cat remove the sack from. That very same kitten was the first to leave the cozy box under the sink and go exploring.

Exploring he did! He climbed up the drawer pulls and onto the sink counter at just a few weeks old!! He was instantly named Magellan.

He struggled with health issues at the start and we got him on the right track. He has been my constant companion and snuggle buddy for over 11 years.  Even after suffering a stroke and learning in January of this year that he had major heart birth defects, he kept right on purring along.

It was touch and go for those first weeks and I was a wreck. He was unable to use his back legs and I thought for sure I was going to have put him down. But Magellan had more heart and more spirit than most humans. He walked again and seemed stronger and happier than he had been in a very long time.

Last month he started getting weak again. The medications were making him sick all the time and he was weak and losing weight. I begged him to hang on a little while longer. “Please stay until mommy gets back from Colorado.”  He did.

This weekend he has been really struggling, weak and not himself. He has not purred in 5 days. Until we walked into the vets office this afternoon. Then that old familiar motor boat started up and perked up. It was if to say “thank you mommy for helping me let go.”

The vet spent several minutes with him and with a tear told me he always goes for the heroic measures and not once has he told someone the best thing they can do is to help them die….until today.

So with a broken heart I agreed. I already knew he would tell me this before I walked in the doors. Magellan knew as well. He hugged me and purred and seemed happier than he has been in a few weeks. He was ready and too weak to keep going but too strong spirited to give up either.

The vet was amazed and confused that he was sitting there purring in spite of all the catastrophic organ failures going on. He left this world impressing everyone in the vets office.

I held him and whispered words of love to him as they gave him some gas to put him to sleep before actually stopping his heart. I held him afterwards and told him how grateful I was for his years of love. I let him know that me and baby girl are finally in a good place and that it was ok to cross the Rainbow Bridge.

I lost it in the parking lot as I sat with my sweet baby boy on my lap. I cried all the way home and made it through the door to sink to the floor in gut racking sobs.

We buried him tonight and planted a beautiful plant above him. You fought hard and you were so precious to me. I love you little man and I thank you for the years of love you brought to me. I will miss you something awful. You were an amazing cat and I am proud that I got to be your mama. Thank you for choosing us to share your life.

Sleep sweet my angel cat. Sleep sweet Magellan.

Rock love

 

This summer is proving to be just what my heart and soul needed! I am so light, happy and at peace, it makes me wonder

The Struggle

 

Dear Father, Mother, God,

It’s me again! I am really struggling these past few days, God and I could use your help. 

Sleeping Beauty is Awake!

When you wake up to life and all it’s glory, it stirs your spirit with joy! I am finding new and beautiful people all around me.  The happier I am,

The Miracle Celebrates Another Year!

This photo was taken in January of this year. Magellan was paralyzed from the waist down, weak, pathetic and near death.  The Vet had sent me home with some heart medication after paying a TON of money to have an echo cardiogram done on him.

So it is within, it shall be seen without

It is a shame that so many people are sleeping or dead within.   If someone’s heart and spirit are corrupt so are their acts, deeds, words and life.  Most ugliness comes from a place of pain.  When you are sleeping so deep

Pain, Ego and Forgiveness

We are settling in very nicely to our new home.  We met almost all of our new neighbors within the first 48 hours.  Friends are being made and spending time with family void of the drama and fear is  lifting and clearing a nice little space within our hearts.

We have laughter and love in our home once again.

Courage

I believe that some people think what I am doing is vindictive. Others wonder why I took so long to do it. Others may call me a quitter. Some may even say I am being mean and set out to get revenge. Others see the courage this takes and support me in my decision to go.

History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.
Maya Angelou

You

You are not worth the dog shit on the bottom of my shoe

A real man don’t hit a woman, leave her black and blue